A Week of ups and downs.

This week has been stressful, thoughtful and emotional. A year ago today is the day jeff was diagnosed with cancer. Unrelated -- a few weeks ago Emma had a high fever in the middle of the night and we took her to the emergency room. After some tests we found out she had a UTI. They suggested getting a ultrasound to make sure her kidneys were formed properly and gave her an antibiotic. A couple weeks later we had the ultrasound done and they found that one of her kidneys was swollen. They said she probably has urinary reflux, which best case scenario she will grow out of, worst case she needs surgery. So we went in for another test. This one she needed to be sedated for, which made me VERY nervous but it went very well. Good news! No reflux! The kidney is just a little inflamed from the infection, but the radiologist saw a "shadow" by her stomach on the X-rays. They said it might be nothing, or it could be a mass. 

A mass. This is definitely one of the worst things they could have said to us. In the last year I have been made very aware how fragile life is, how diseases and trials can happen to us, even while we are young and healthy. I couldn't handle it. My parents and Jeff assured me everything would be alright, but I had a sick feeling and the memory of the doctor telling me Jeff had cancer was haunting my thoughts. I just watched my husband go through chemo and radiation treatments and surgeries that have been so painful. It has been hard. Sometimes completely awful. I couldn't handle the possibility that Emma would have to go through any of that. Not my perfect little girl. She wouldn't understand what was happening, and my heart breaks thinking about it.

There was a lot of praying, literally all the time. Pleading that the tests would be clear, accurate, and clean. Jeff gave both me and Emma priesthood blessings. They were very comforting. The last few years I have seen the power of priesthood blessings in my home and I know that healing can come, comfort can be received and Heavenly Father can communicate with us very clearly through priesthood blessings. I am so blessed to have Jeff and have access to a priesthood blessing whenever I need one.

Anyways, this morning we went in for another ultrasound, this one a full abdominal ultrasound. IT WAS CLEAN! No mass, not sure what caused the shadow, they said it was possibly her spleen but she is perfect and healthy. I am so happy! I can't express the relief I feel and the feelings in my heart. I read a scripture this afternoon, "I Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." --1 Nephi 1:20. This scripture was marked for last year when Jeff was diagnosed. Both me and Jeff felt that this trial was preparing us for something, but we were promised that through faith, prayer and fasting he would be made whole. I have held onto that like a lifeline. Reading this scripture I felt that if I had strong enough faith that Jeff would be delivered from the cancer. Today when I read it I felt that Heavenly Father is very aware of me and heard my pleading in my prayers and we have received the tender mercy of having Emma be healthy. She was delivered. I just felt so blessed and know that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and loves me and my family. So blessed to have Jeff and Emma in my life. They are my whole world.

I have been so up and down this week, I just felt a need to record this week and my thoughts and experiences. 

So... To kind of go back to less weighty thoughts and feelings... Our family is doing great!

It was our 4th anniversary on Tuesday. We had a nice day as a family, but we actually celebrated back at the end of July. We took a day just me and Jeff and went to lagoon and had a really fun time. Jeff scared me by holding us upside down on the Ferris wheel/ egg thing, and I dragged him onto water rides and samurai many times. We had a great time, but Tuesday was really nice too. 

Jeff had surgery on August 4. He is doing well, he isn't getting fevers as regularly as just after the surgery, the aches and pains are starting to fade, and he is back on a pretty normal schedule and planning on going back to work in the next day or two. 

I have been very up and down, but mostly up. :) I decided to ignore my fitness goals for a couple weeks while Jeff was recovering and we were figuring everything out with Emma, but I am starting to work on it again and that makes me happy. I also decided today to start the Book of Mormon over again and I would like to finish it by the end of the year or sooner. 

Emma is getting so big! She had her 15 month appointment a couple weeks ago. She is in the 70% for height at 31.5 inches, the 72% for weight at 24.5 lbs, and the 93% for her head. ( I think it was 19 inches?) she says lots of words and animal sounds. She loves to come find me and Jeff, take our hands and lead us places ( especially outside) and she loves calling momma and daddy all the time. She loves cheese, strawberries and blueberries, pizza and hot dogs and she has started almost prancing when she runs. She loves to dance and sing, be chased, and tickle and poke me and Jeff. Basically she is just a little spot of happiness running around. :)

At this point, we are starting to look forward instead of just taking life one day at a time. We are hoping to save up enough money to move back to provo in the next month or two, and we are planning for jeff to start school in January. We are so excited to be starting into this again, and I can't wait to see what will happen the next few years.