A Week of ups and downs.

This week has been stressful, thoughtful and emotional. A year ago today is the day jeff was diagnosed with cancer. Unrelated -- a few weeks ago Emma had a high fever in the middle of the night and we took her to the emergency room. After some tests we found out she had a UTI. They suggested getting a ultrasound to make sure her kidneys were formed properly and gave her an antibiotic. A couple weeks later we had the ultrasound done and they found that one of her kidneys was swollen. They said she probably has urinary reflux, which best case scenario she will grow out of, worst case she needs surgery. So we went in for another test. This one she needed to be sedated for, which made me VERY nervous but it went very well. Good news! No reflux! The kidney is just a little inflamed from the infection, but the radiologist saw a "shadow" by her stomach on the X-rays. They said it might be nothing, or it could be a mass. 

A mass. This is definitely one of the worst things they could have said to us. In the last year I have been made very aware how fragile life is, how diseases and trials can happen to us, even while we are young and healthy. I couldn't handle it. My parents and Jeff assured me everything would be alright, but I had a sick feeling and the memory of the doctor telling me Jeff had cancer was haunting my thoughts. I just watched my husband go through chemo and radiation treatments and surgeries that have been so painful. It has been hard. Sometimes completely awful. I couldn't handle the possibility that Emma would have to go through any of that. Not my perfect little girl. She wouldn't understand what was happening, and my heart breaks thinking about it.

There was a lot of praying, literally all the time. Pleading that the tests would be clear, accurate, and clean. Jeff gave both me and Emma priesthood blessings. They were very comforting. The last few years I have seen the power of priesthood blessings in my home and I know that healing can come, comfort can be received and Heavenly Father can communicate with us very clearly through priesthood blessings. I am so blessed to have Jeff and have access to a priesthood blessing whenever I need one.

Anyways, this morning we went in for another ultrasound, this one a full abdominal ultrasound. IT WAS CLEAN! No mass, not sure what caused the shadow, they said it was possibly her spleen but she is perfect and healthy. I am so happy! I can't express the relief I feel and the feelings in my heart. I read a scripture this afternoon, "I Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." --1 Nephi 1:20. This scripture was marked for last year when Jeff was diagnosed. Both me and Jeff felt that this trial was preparing us for something, but we were promised that through faith, prayer and fasting he would be made whole. I have held onto that like a lifeline. Reading this scripture I felt that if I had strong enough faith that Jeff would be delivered from the cancer. Today when I read it I felt that Heavenly Father is very aware of me and heard my pleading in my prayers and we have received the tender mercy of having Emma be healthy. She was delivered. I just felt so blessed and know that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and loves me and my family. So blessed to have Jeff and Emma in my life. They are my whole world.

I have been so up and down this week, I just felt a need to record this week and my thoughts and experiences. 

So... To kind of go back to less weighty thoughts and feelings... Our family is doing great!

It was our 4th anniversary on Tuesday. We had a nice day as a family, but we actually celebrated back at the end of July. We took a day just me and Jeff and went to lagoon and had a really fun time. Jeff scared me by holding us upside down on the Ferris wheel/ egg thing, and I dragged him onto water rides and samurai many times. We had a great time, but Tuesday was really nice too. 

Jeff had surgery on August 4. He is doing well, he isn't getting fevers as regularly as just after the surgery, the aches and pains are starting to fade, and he is back on a pretty normal schedule and planning on going back to work in the next day or two. 

I have been very up and down, but mostly up. :) I decided to ignore my fitness goals for a couple weeks while Jeff was recovering and we were figuring everything out with Emma, but I am starting to work on it again and that makes me happy. I also decided today to start the Book of Mormon over again and I would like to finish it by the end of the year or sooner. 

Emma is getting so big! She had her 15 month appointment a couple weeks ago. She is in the 70% for height at 31.5 inches, the 72% for weight at 24.5 lbs, and the 93% for her head. ( I think it was 19 inches?) she says lots of words and animal sounds. She loves to come find me and Jeff, take our hands and lead us places ( especially outside) and she loves calling momma and daddy all the time. She loves cheese, strawberries and blueberries, pizza and hot dogs and she has started almost prancing when she runs. She loves to dance and sing, be chased, and tickle and poke me and Jeff. Basically she is just a little spot of happiness running around. :)

At this point, we are starting to look forward instead of just taking life one day at a time. We are hoping to save up enough money to move back to provo in the next month or two, and we are planning for jeff to start school in January. We are so excited to be starting into this again, and I can't wait to see what will happen the next few years. 

Happy days and looking ahead...

My intention when I started this blog was to write down weekly updates on our family and Jeff, but writing in a journal (or blogging) has never been a strength of mine.

So first, an update on Jeff! He is doing great! He finished chemo on June 16. He feels completely normal and we have had a fun and active summer swimming, biking playing at the park with Emma and playing tennis. His neuropathy is completely gone and even though the doctor said we may see some long term effects from the chemo, we are not seeing any right now. We set a surgery date to reverse the ileostomy for August 4. We have high hopes that recovery will go better than last time, and we are very excited to finish this last step of treatment! I guess he has finished treatment, but we are tying up loose ends. :)

Emma has been sick this week. She hasn't been acting all that sick, but we took her in because she had been having consistent low grade fevers for a couple days and surprise! She has hand foot and mouth disease... Ugh. The good news is she has had a really mild case and hasn't been acting all that sick. We were also told she was probably well into it, but the bad news is she will be very contagious for a couple days. It is kind of weird to have a sick baby that is not acting sick at all. So we have been staying home and playing a lot and watching movies. 

Emma has started singing and dancing a lot more this week which I think may be one of my very favorite things. She loves singing songs from Tangled and Frozen and loves dancing to anything with a beat. She is talking a lot more, just little phrases here and there that mainly just Jeff and I understand, and she loves to be chased and tickled.

I have been trying to get into shape this summer and so far have lost about 20 lbs. I am feeling a lot healthier. Jeff is a huge help and is very supportive with watching Emma while I exercise, or changing our diet a bit. I'm hoping to continue with my goal of getting into shape and being healthier.

As Jeff finishes up treatment we are starting to make plans for the fall and winter. We are hoping for Jeff to start school again in January and to find an apartment in Provo probably in the next few months. It will be a huge adjustment living just the 3 of us again, but we are very excited! 

I think that is about all that is happening with us right now, please keep us in your prayers as Jeff gets ready got surgery. :) 

Below are a few fun pictures from the last little while.

-Katie 

I approve of this message.  

-Jeff

Here is Emma's "squish face".

This is us making a funny face for the camera.

This is Emma and Trygve one day when we went to see Kim and Trygve. 

This bowl entertained Emma for a whole afternoon.  She would run around with it on her head and play peek a boo from under it.

We took trax down to city creek on my birthday, and it was the first time for Emma and me! This is Emma and Jeff watching a movie of her swinging at the park.  She thought it was very funny.

Updates on Jeff, surgery and such

It has been a long week. A very very long week. Jeff had surgery on Tuesday, they removed the tumor and a portion of the colon along with the lymph nodes in that area, and placed a temporary illiostemy so that he can heal properly. The surgery went wonderfully, they removed all cancer they can see without a microscope (we are still waiting on the biopsy to make sure the edges were clear) and they were able to save Jeff's muscles so that he illiostemy will be temporary. 

He was very drugged and hurting after getting out of surgery, but they got his pain under control and he was feeling better by the next day. The next day went well, he walked a mile worth of laps around the hospital and started eating a normal diet.

The next day he started getting really tired and just very sick to his stomach. Since then we have had a lot of ups and downs. The bad side is that we are still in the hospital, he has had a few very sick and painful days, and his digestive system still hasn't " woke up" yet. Basically, it doesn't like to be touched, so it sort of goes into shock and goes to sleep. So when he eats it has no where to go because his digestive system is still asleep, so the pressure builds up which causes a lot of pain and makes him very sick. 

The good news is, he is wireless! He is currently recieving medications by IV but he has also taken them orally, so as soon as his digestive system wakes up, we will be here for another day or so, and then can come home! We have also found a good mix of nausea/pain medications to keep him comfortable and healing until his digestive system does wake up. He is walking well and the huntsman has been great.

The hospital doesn't want anyone here under the age of 14 because of the nasty flu bug going around, and that includes Emma. So I have had to leave her at home, which has been hard, but on the other side leaving jeff has been hard too. Emma has done great and been happy and sweet, but will not take breast milk from a bottle or sipper cup. But she will take water and will eat baby food so she is not hungry, and our wonderful family has helped me make sure someone is always there to help Jeff and that someone always is available to take care of Emma while I go to be with Jeff. 

This week has been faith building for me. After a few very hard and somewhat miserable days, and a lot of praying and soul searching, I realized that I must choose to be happy and see the wonderful blessings around me. There are a few statements, or truths I guess that I have not been able to forget 1) our adversity and afflictions will be but a moment, sometimes it seems a very long moment, but it will pass. 2) through the atonement, I know that Christ has suffered for me, all my sins and pain and Jeff's pain, and he will help us handle what we cannot. 3) we are being prepared, I don't know what for, but both me and jeff have had the strong impression that we are being prepared for something. 4)this is temporary, Jeff is progressing, he has had many priesthood blessings that he will recover fully and have full function of his body. He was promised that through faith and fasting and prayer we can make it through this and have our faith strengthened and be  roughy even closer together as a family. I know that through the priesthood, jeff can be healed. I have felt my faith strengthened this week. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows what I am going through. I am not alone, this week, even with all the support has been hard and lonely, and the knowledge that he knows what I am going through and that I am not alone has helped me many nights. My wonderful little family keeps me going too, Emma's happy smiles and slobbery kisses, and Jeff's quiet strength and holding his hand through this makes me strong. I wish I could be there all the time for both of them, but I think that I am doing the best I can and Heavenly Father will make up the difference.

Thank you so much for all the help, support and love you have given us, it means so much to us and we really appreciate it. 

Hopefully by this time next week we will be home and all together as a family again. :) 

Jeff walking in the hall today, not too much pain!

Emma playing with Amy while being babysat. :)

Joining the bloggers... Updates on our life. :)

I am not much of a writer. When I was younger I used to dream of becoming a professional writer, specifically a poet. Since then I have realized That I really, really don't like writing. Basically I am asking anyone who may be reading this to not judge me. :) I will do my best not to massacre the English language. This blog is just for friends and family, so I am not too worried about it.

We have had some exciting things happen recently! Emma started crawling yesterday, cut her first tooth today, and is keeping me very busy. We are so proud of her! She is saying a few words, making lots of cute sounds, clapping, waving and trying to touch, feel, and taste everything. She is 7 1/2 months old, weighs about 17 1/2 lbs, 26 inches long, and is a healthy chunky baby. She makes us so happy. :)

Jeff is in the honeymoon part of his treatment. He completed the first round of chemo and radiation on Halloween and is now in the break before surgery. We have the surgery scheduled for January 7, and he will be in the hospital for 3-5 days for all of you who want to visit him. :) For now we are just enjoying the holidays and trying to get Emma to take a bottle so that the hospital stay will go smoothly. I will explain the surgery more as we get closer. I am really nervous about it, but I know that Jeff will be healed and that the treatments will work. He has had many blessings promising him that and he has been doing so great with his treatments so far. I am so lucky to have him. He is such a wonderful husband and father, he really loves taking care of people and doesn't stop to take care of himself. I have to remind him not to push himself too hard, but he is doing great and feeling great. 

Random side note, I am rocking Emma as she falls to sleep right now and she is talking in her sleep. She learned to click her tongue this week and she is doing that over and over. 

Well I guess that is it for now. Emma is finally asleep. I think the teething makes it harder for her to sleep so hopefully the three of us will sleep tonight and the other tooth will cut through soon. 

Thank you for everyone's support, it means so much to us to see how many people have reached out to us to help us make it through a tough year. 

Here is a cute picture of Emma playing the guitar with Jeff. :)